Each week, I go to the hospital, collect bins of meals and deliver them to the elderly, infirm and frail senior citizens of my community. I am saddened by the aloneness of some of these folks, especially one elderly woman who is particularly frail and when I called to see her today she was in bed and not well at all. I have no idea if this Lady has family but she lives in a not very safe house in an undesirable part of town. I could quite honestly pick her up and bring her home and care for her but I know that isn’t possible as I think she is staunchly independent and fiercely defends this. What I see as growing old with a tad of dignity may well not be what she considers dignity so I have for the time being, befriended her. I am a rescuer by nature, probably part of my control freak nature but I have learned that I only have control over me and that is up for debate sometimes. I have noticed that older people who keep active, engage in some form of mental activity as well as physical, tend to survive the rigours of age better. Some of the people at the bridge club are in their 90s and sharp as tacks whereas some of the people who sit at home and wait for their meals to be delivered don’t appear to be as sharp. Bette Davis said, “Aging ain’t for sissies” and I am beginning to believe her. I don’t have any expectations of how I will spend my old age but I do know this, I will be as active as I possibly can for as long as I can. I shall be doing some form of service within my community as there are needs right on my own back door step.

So many people remain unhappy and unwell because they allow themselves to be not only limited but almost totally governed by negative feelings. I tend sometimes to be in denial of negative feelings and battle to become positive. I am often reminded of the story of a sailing ship with all sails fully set and billowing in the wind. It should be zooming along, skimming over the water like a bird but it is not, it remains stationary. Why?. Because it still has a number of anchors down, firmly wedged in the rocks behind it and these are holding fast, even though the conditions are right to move ahead. I have felt this way for a while but finding gestures to haul up the anchors is the key. The power of positive thought and the practicing of it is a start but putting myself out of my comfort zone, exploring new ideas and finding that passion is what I am after. As John Powell so succinctly put it "The state of emotional maturity- of having "arrived" - comprises of knowing ourselves, accepting ourselves and then being able to forget ourselves" Is this reaching out and giving to others?......what can I give?

I have noticed that people who are focused and have a goal usually seem to get what is needed for them to achieve this. I find at the moment, I have several projects on the go and I am kind of scattered but today I achieved several steps toward a goal and this has brightened me somewhat. Procrastination is the thief of time. I am feeling like the goals are not quite so daunting now and they can be achieved if I can just keep a focus and chunk off the bits piece by piece. I have never really been a patient person and this is a good lesson for me to learn. I am patient when it comes to queues and waiting but not so when it comes to getting a task finished. I often can’t wait to get that task finished and get onto the next so I am learning a good lesson here. My mind seems to race ahead of my hands so discipline is the key at the moment. Discipline……..ah yes, how I recoil when that word is used, discipline was the order of the day in my childhood and here I am at 50 still reacting emotively to a word. No longer will I rebel, I will learn and continue to increase my virtues including discipline. Hahahahaha….life is a funny old game, for want of a better word, just when I think I have something sorted along comes another just to test me which makes me acutely aware that there is more to be done. Dam this blogging to hell, I am actually getting some things cleared and finding answers to questions I have had for quite some time and I am facing up to them. This is a good thing.
PS. I am really writing this blog to prevent getting put in the doghouse by Sam, hahahaha.

There seems to be an ever present fear or tension in the air lately with regards to the World situation, terrorism and a general lack of concern for thy neighbour. I passed by the fire station, where I used to live 18 odd years ago, to find some of the apartments being demolished so I turned the car around, parked in the lot and went to observe the chaotic scene. I stood there thinking of the people who lived there at the time and all the wonderful times we had and also the sad times we have had. Jo killed herself in the garage, Mark died as the result of a street brawl and David died of cancer aged 45. Several of the older fireman who know me came out to chat and they were saying that there is no caring about each other there now, there is no socializing, no comradship and back stabbing is the main form of entertainment now........what has happened in that short space of time? why is there so much fear and tension? how have we lost our way in caring for others? how have we become self centred? why are communities not caring for each other now? Have we become such a consumer/money orientated world that people just don't matter anymore? So many questions. Can one single handedly go about making a difference? What will it take to turn people around? Still more questions, maybe I had best start coming up with a solution. I recall reading about a Gorilla breeding program, in captivity, where the female and her mate of 8 years hadn't produced any off spring. The person in charge realized that there is always a male and a dozen females in the group in the wild and the female will reproduce when she has the support of other females around her. I have no idea what this has to do with us as a society but it seems to me that support at a community level is all important to the health and welfare of the society and that we should all be supporting each other in our own community and the ripple on effect would happen. Am I a dreamer, can this be done?
My daughter is the one who loves to study sociology, I know nothing about human behaviour, only what I have experienced first hand, but it seems to me that man has completely outwitted itself. We have progressed so rapidly that it is actually regression in progression. Now this may sound absolute nonesense to anyone reading this but I know what I mean. As for solutions, I doubt I can stem the tide of this wave of inertia that is sweeping our communties, I can but offer a cake to my elderly neighbour or lend a listening ear to a distressed person, offer a word of encouragement to a discouraged person or smile a friendly smile to a passing fellow as I walk down the pavement. I recall a story about a young man who was going to the local park to committ suicide and as he walked down the road, he passed an elderly lady who greeted him with a friendly smile and a hearty hello. He stopped, turned around and the two of them walked several miles, talking and sharing, she had just lost her husband and he was at his wits end trying to find employment, but the old Lady had broken the cycle and decided to smile at the young man. He helped her with her garden and she helped him to find employment as she was a retired careers advisor for the local College. Just one small decision to smile at a stranger changed 2 lives forever. What can I do? Now that I have put out this vibration, maybe something will come along that I may be able to do.